So Carl and Chuckie have been arrested for possessing heroin, V and Kev have temporarily separated, Kev has gone to Lip’s school to help him sell drugs for Lip’s tuition money, Fiona is having a tiff with her husband who is currently on tour with his band, and Frank has a nasty bullet wound given to him by Sammi.
Ian wakes up in the morning and has a paranoid freak out. He comes to his senses after he almost accidentally hits Debbie with a baseball bat. His boyfriend Mickey demands for Ian to go to the clinic and refill his pills. At the clinic, Ian realizes that his disease is more serious than he thought. He will most likely be on aggressive medication for the next thirty to forty years of his life. This dampens his and Mickey’s spirits, and Ian confides in Lip about his disease. Lip encourages Ian to take control of his life and not let his bipolar disorder get in the way of it. Lip also tells Fiona to give Ian a job at the diner she works at, Patsy’s Pies.
Fiona is getting ready to see the lawyer about Carl’s sentencing. She and Sammi get off on the wrong foot that morning; Fiona thinks Carl should be let off easy, and Sammi keeps blaming Fiona for Carl’s crime. The two spend the rest of the day at court hating each other. Fiona talks to her boss, Sean, about giving Ian a job at the diner. She finds out that Sean wants to move to Pittsburgh. His ex-wife is moving there with their son, but Sean finds out from his parole officer that he isn’t allowed to leave Illinois. Fiona helps Sean get through his rough time, even though she’s got plenty of problems of her own.
Lip and Kev
Lip is still struggling to stay at school, and Kev is still with him selling drugs. Kev has also become the “Rape Walker.” Although it’s a title he hates, he earned it by walking wasted co-eds back to their dorms safely. Because of this, they throw himself onto him and he finds himself “helping them get off” very often.
Kev isn’t the only one getting all the action. Lip tries to crash a Critical Theory class, impresses the professor, Helene, and ends up “fraternizing” (having sex) with her during office hours. Lip also tries to talk a drug-stealing computer-whiz freshmen named Joaquin into hacking the financial aid office’s system to make it appear as though Lip has paid his tuition in full. It’s overall a terrible idea, and thankfully Lip chickens out. But lucky for him, he later gets called into the financial aid office to find out he’s gotten a loan from the counselor’s old roommate, who was in the same boat as Lip. He’s now got an interest-free loan to keep him in school, along with a counselor and a hot professor who see a lot of potential in him.
Meanwhile, Kev gets confronted by a bunch of college guys, who are angry that Kev is taking all the “action” away from them. Kev explains himself and shows them a picture of his wife, V, and all the college boys are impressed by Kev’s description of her. He then realizes that he is wasting his time sleeping with co-eds and wants to go back to V (who has also realized by this time that Kev is an amazing father and husband). I don’t know how V will react to Kev’s whole Rape Walking ordeal, if she ever finds out, but I’m glad their separation has made the two of them realize that they really do love each other.
Later that night, Lip visits Helene at her house to tell her that he is staying in school, and that he really is guilty of “fraternizing.” Helene admits that Lip was too “exuberant” the first time, and allows him a second chance. After they sleep together, Lip accidentally ends up meeting her husband, who surprisingly isn’t mad about Lip being there. He even offers to make Lip food. Helene doesn’t seem the least bit distressed that her husband has walked in on her sleeping with a student, and the whole thing is just plain weird. I want to know if her husband is puts arsenic in Lip’s food, or maybe we find out Helene is a nymphomaniac or something.
Carl and Chuckie
Carl is doing everything he can to get himself into juvenile hall. He is willing, for some reason, to spend a year there and claims that it’s better than school. Fiona tries everything to help Carl; dressing him in proper attire, telling him to lie about feeling remorseful, and telling him to grovel before the judge, but all her efforts are in vain. Carl ends up speaking out in court, saying every wrong thing imaginable, and when the judge asks him (rhetorically) if he wants to go to juvie, Carl says “yes, please” as though he’s asking for more gravy at Thanksgiving. He assures his family, who had all shown up to his court hearing, that he’s going to be fine. “Don’t worry, I’m gonna make juvie my bitch,” he asserts.
Meanwhile, Sammi is trying everything she can to keep her son Chuckie out of juvie, and thinks that a Chuckie’s low IQ will prevent him from being sentenced to juvenile hall, but the lawyer regretfully informs Sammi that “even if he is functionally retarded, he’s getting time.” Sammi tries to explain to Chuckie how to defend himself in juvie. “You’ve always been my little bunny… But in prison, little bunnies get raped.” She then instructs him to “be nice” to the guards (in short, exchange sexual favors for safety) while their lawyer listens on in disgust.
In the end, both Carl and Chuckie have to climb onto the bus headed to juvie. Chuckie now has a swastika tattooed to his forehead (courtesy of his loving mother) and Carl finds that he’s earned the respect of fellow drug gang members in juvie for not snitching on their boss. They give him a black head bandana, and Carl has never been so proud of himself. He gives his nephew Chuckie an intimidating sidelong glance from the other end of the bus. This is not going to be good…
He is in for his morning check up for his gun wound when his doctor, Bianca, mentally breaks down and tells him she can’t treat him. When Frank asks, she tells him she has stage three pancreatic cancer, with a 2% survival rate. They go out to the Alibi together, get drunk, buy drugs, get high, streak, punch old high school rivals in the face, and scream at God at the lake. Even though he’s draining Bianca’s wallet like a derelict parasite the entire time, Frank is actually a decent human being to Bianca. After her time with Frank, she decides she doesn’t want to go through with chemo, she wants to “go out with a bang” instead.
Favorite (Terrible) Lines
Carl, upon seeing himself in glasses:
“Jesus, I want to kick my own ass.”
Chuckie speaking in court:
Judge: “Would you like to say anything?”
Judge: “Would you like to say anything before sentencing?”