As we bid adieu to season 5 of The Walking Dead tonight, I thought it may be interesting to rank characters of a certain show based on how well they’d survive the walker apocalypse (previously done with Orphan Black characters). My predictions for who will survive tonight’s episode go so far as believing that at least one character from Alexandria will die (my bet is on Deanna) and at least one from the original gang (I’m praying that the victim will be Gabriel, but as I’ve learned from TWD it’s never good to get your hopes up about survival likeliness of certain characters). So for now, let’s take characters from another show, throw them in a zombie apocalypse, and see how well they survive. And for that, we’re going to the Parks Department of Pawnee, Indiana.
Leslie (rating: 7)
Leslie hands down is the Rick of the group. She’s authoritative, makes most of the decisions, but most importantly holds the trust of everyone (mostly everyone) in the group to follow her will. She also is imperfect in her own ways and relies on the help of others, but that’s totally normal. As smart as Leslie is however, she does make mistakes. If her group was ever compromised surrounded by walkers in a scenario, I feel like she would take one for the team and sacrifice herself (though 9 times out of 10 it probably would just be an accident on her part).
Ann (rating: 4)
Now Ann is definitely the pragmatic one in the team. Where she lacks in puniness she soars above in practicality. Always one to point out flaws, she would definitely not be on board to follow the misfits from the Parks Department in their quest to survive. In fact, she would probably leave the group to go find civilization (which she’s probably very sure still exists). Unfortunately, Ann would not do so well on a solo mission and would thus find herself dead in no time.
Tom (rating: 3)
When we think about Tom, we don’t think extra-muscular, or most fit to survive a zombie apocalypse. He is however, innovative and enterprising. I see him definitely teaming up with his “treat-yo-self!” partner in crime Donna in attempting to create post-apocalyptic business ventures. Trying to find profits ain’t that profitable however, specifically when the number one concern should be trying to survive and not necessarily make bank. I definitely see Tom being misguided by Donna into continuing these ridiculous ventures and being tricked for her benefit, before ultimately dying (all plotted out by Donna).
April (rating: 10+++++++++++++)
Is this even a question? April would nail this apocalypse, hands-down. I would even go so far as to say she’d become the walker queen, both self-appointed and appointed by the walkers themselves (why wouldn’t the undead trust April?). In terms of staying with the group, I feel like she’d only be able to tolerate being with Andy and would ditch the group instantly (after which she would plan each of their deaths meticulously).
Ron (rating: 10)
Ron is definitely the Daryl of the group. He’s the silent killer who likes doing his own thing, stays away from attachment to things and other people, rarely shows his emotions, etc. And let’s not forget one of Ron’s favorite pastimes: hunting. I have no doubt in my mind that he’d survive effortlessly. His biggest concern in this apocalypse would be trying to deal with the humans.
Andy (rating: 5)
Remember in Season 1 when the group wore walker innards over themselves as a sort of decoy? Andy would definitely like this aspect of the apocalypse the most. In fact, he’d like the apocalypse and the danger and excitement of the undying so much that’d he’d dress up as a walker for fun intentionally and scare other members of the Parks Department. He may even create an alias to Johnny Karate (maybe Johnny’s walker brother). Unfortunately, I see Andy taking his gag a little too far – and in being preoccupied over being a walker as opposed to actually fighting the walkers, he’d be killed by someone on his own team.
Ben (rating: 8)
After Andy, Ben would probably be the most excited about the apocalypse. Since he’s all about the strategies, he’d be the chief strategist to Leslie in forming battle plans and future moves for the gang. His motto is definitely brains over brawn and would therefore rely solely on the efforts of others to actually survive (I can imagine Leslie being his bodyguard and never letting harm reach him).
Donna (rating: 8)
As part of the aforementioned business ventures with Tom, Donna would work on making profits post-apocalypse, all the while plotting her partner’s downfall (she can’t honestly work with another person – it’s all about her!) I could imagine her also becoming some sort of queen of the undead like April, and thus ordering the walkers to kill Tom would be no problem at all. I have no doubt she’d survive and outlive most of the Parks Department.
Chris (rating: 6)
There’s a reason Chris constantly exercises and stays in shape: it’s so that when the world falls into chaos and walkers start roaming over the lands, Chris will be prepared! As strong and healthy as he is, however, I feel like when it comes to actually killing walkers he’ll be at a disadvantage (he wouldn’t be the best killer). While he may be able to survive for a bit, he’ll eventually succumb to the walker’s will.
Jerry (rating: -5)
This is a no-brainer. As kind and nice as Jerry is, kind and nice just doesn’t cut it in the walker apocalypse world. I have a feeling April would kill him first.