In honor of The Walking Dead returning this week for its fifth season, we’re taking a look at some our favorite characters from other shows and rating them on how well they’d fare in the walker apocalypse. This time around: Orphan Black.
(Caution: Spoilers Ahead!)
Sarah Manning: Sarah has always been an extremely resourceful and quick-thinking individual, relying on her instinctual survival skills more often than people remember. Some of her more notable experiences involve robbing Vic of his love and drugs, conning the local bank of Beth’s money, and shooting Helena for the sake of her family. All before Season 2. Having Kira by her side wouldn’t detract from her chances of survival either; the kid is one of, if not the most, competent characters on the show. Sarah never lets her guard down, which would be very beneficial in an apocalyptic world. Rating: 9
Alison Hendrix (& Donnie): As prim and proper as Ali looks, the girl gets shit done. If there was any doubt about that, refer to when Ali watched her best friend die and did nothing, or when Ali and Donnie (a.k.a. the most powerful power couple) buried Dr. Leekie’s dead body beneath their garage. Let’s not forget that burying a dead body together only invigorated their love for each other. Ali knows how to handle a gun and is quite resourceful with pepper spray and a whistle. While she might not survive longer than Sarah or Helena, she would outlive countless others. Besides, she might even share a drink with Daryl before wielding her crossbow and slaying thirty zombies in one go. Rating: 8
Felix: He’s fabulous, artsy, and knows how to deal with Sarah’s shit on a daily basis. But against zombies? Self-defense isn’t exactly his strong suit. In all honesty, he probably just wouldn’t care enough to fight the zombies, anyway. I have a feeling that he’d rely on Alison being his bodyguard for a while (unlike Sarah, these two would make time for mimosas). Rating: 3
Cosima: Cosima definitely has the brains in the group. We’ve quickly learned from watching The Walking Dead that knowledge of science doesn’t necessarily mean survival, however (refer: Milton). While she’d be beyond stoked to research and figure out why and how walkers exist, she wouldn’t have the brawn to take down a zombie at short notice. Cos’s health has taken a huge toll anyway; she’s barely clinging on, especially now that she has to wait longer for Kira’s blood marrow. That being said, we’d sadly see 324B21 leave the group first. But knowing her, she’d go down with a fight and some really awesome music playing in the background. In any case, she would probably resurface as a walker. Rating: 4
Rachel Duncan: As much as we may love/hate Rachel, it’s easy to see that she can be a bitch when things don’t go her way. Everything and everyone needs to be in its own place. Knowing Ms. Proclone, she’d probably try to proclaim totalitarian rule over everyone, dead and undead alike. Sadly, I don’t think the walkers would quite listen to her. Strapping lads like Paul and Daniel might lengthen her time on earth as her bodyguard(s), but probably not for a long time. She would however be reminiscent of a certain character with her inevitable eye patch… Rating: 5
Delphine: While Delphine and her puppy locks are adorable, I honestly don’t think she would last the apocalypse. Let’s face it: she’d be extremely useless in a battle of brawn against zombies/other survivors. Her relationship with Cos would provide some comfort and much-needed love towards the end of their time as humans. I can guarantee that they’d probably have an amazing team EvoDevo-Immunology breakthrough on walker pathogens and discover how this apocalypse actually started, before getting eaten. Rating: 2
Mrs. S: If not Helena, the next best person to be near during the apocalypse would definitely have to be Mrs. S. She’s an unsuspecting deadly killer, which is a great combination for survival. Her strong-willed passion for protecting those she loves is not to be taken lightly. It may however be worth it to stay wary of her and her secrets: she might just know what the cause of the zombie apocalypse actually is. Rating: 10
Kira: One of the most competent, knowledgeable, and resourceful children on television, Kira would not succumb to the fates of Sophia, Lizzie, Mika, Meghan, or any of the other kids on The Walking Dead. In any scenario, she’d probably ask Sarah or Cal how to control zombies, go off on her own, and parade back with pet walkers (not dissimilar to Michonne’s. In fact if there ever was a Walking Dead/Orphan Black crossover, I definitely feel like she and Michonne would hit it off pretty well). Carl would probably be impressed and ask for pointers. While she may not initially know how to defend herself, literally every single character on the show loves her so protection wouldn’t be an issue. Rating: 8
Helena: Is this even a question? If she came back from the dead once, she sure as hell can do it again if worst came to worst. Helena would basically slaughter everyone – armed with her widespread knowledge of weapons – and proclaim herself the queen of the dead and undead (Jesse, the king). The walkers would probably be infatuated and inspired, bowing down to her. There’s no doubt about her survival. Rating: 10+++++
The Walking Dead returns to AMC on October 12th at 9/8 central.