The pre-order packages for Run The Jewels’ sophomore album RTJ2 have been announced, and besides the typical, reasonably priced CD/LP/t-shirt/poster bundles, there also exist a number of bonus pre-order packages whose descriptions range from hilarious to really fucking hilarious. For example:
The beautifully named “I’m On The Fucking List, Asshole” Package, will “put you on the all access guest list plus 1 for any Run The Jewels show anywhere and up to 10 shows… We will share our weed with you and let you yell at our tour manager. We will pretend to like you and will introduce you to our friends as our ‘friend’. Run The Jewels requires a half an hour before stage time to not have to deal with you and your fucking yammering in order to do our pre show stretches, vocal warm ups and crying.”
The $25,000 Show And Tell Package, in which “Run The Jewels will fly to your town and accompany your child to show and tell at his or her school on an agreed upon date (and in the United States) where we will answer any questions the children have about marijuana, rap music and global politics.”
And The Housesitters Deluxe Package, where they will “spend an agreed upon weekend at your house where we will smoke all of your weed, listen to your stupid fucking music, and let your mother cook for us” all for the low, low price of $35,000.
Killer Mike and El-P, man. Hilarity.
They’ve also released the track list for their album, which will have guest features from BOOTS, Travis Barker, and Zack de la Rocha, among others. Check out what you’ll be listening to non-stop starting October 27:
2. Oh My Darling Don’t Cry
3. Blockbuster Night Part 1
4. Close Your Eyes (And Count to Fuck) (feat. Zack de la Rocha)
5. All My Life
6. Lie, Cheat, Steal
7. Early (feat. BOOTS)
8. All Due Respect (feat. Travis Barker)
9. Love Again (Akinyele Back)
10. Crown (feat. Diane Coffee)
11. Angel Duster
By the way, in case you’re actually thinking of dropping cash on one of these higher-priced deluxe packages, be forewarned: Run The Jewels “reserves the right to take your money and not fulfill any of its obligations as outlined in any package priced at 35k or more.” Not that that should stop you. If I had that kinda cash I’d pay up just for the 0.0001% chance that Run the Jewels would show up at my nemesis’ house.
RTJ2 officially drops October 27, and will be available as a free download. While you’re waiting, you should definitely pick up a copy or free digital download of their first album here if you haven’t already.
UPDATE: Meow The Jewels is officially a thing. You can fund the project now on Kickstarter; despite the humorous “we reserve the right to fuck off with your money and give you zip” disclaimer at the bottom of all their pre-order pages, El-P has already taken to Twitter to say that he’ll do it if the Kickstarter meets its $45,100 goal.
someone made a kickstarter to fund the “MEOW THE JEWELS PACKAGE”. if this gets funded i will make this album.https://t.co/6tvzp2Z3rF
— el-p (@therealelp) September 17, 2014
RTJ2 remixed to cat sounds? I think everyone here understands the importance of this project and how badly it needs to exist in the world. Plus, “a large portion of proceeds will be donated to the families of those who have lost their lives to police brutality this year and a smaller portion will go to help neglected animals,” so your money will be going to excellent causes. Get to pledging, people. Get to it.