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Teen Wolf 3×16 “Illuminated” Recap

Photo: MTV

Photo: MTV

Beacon Hills is under curfew from the power outage; the teens throw a blacklight Halloween party; Scott tries to earn Kira’s trust.

1. Poor sweet angel baby Isaac gets put in horrible situations. AGAIN.

Yeah okay, so I’m gonna need Teen Wolf to drop all writing instruments and back the fuck away from Isaac Lahey. His history is consistently handled badly (like having Derek mirror Mr. Lahey by throwing a glass at Isaac last season, or the tasteless “are you going to keep milking your horrific past of abuse” jokes a few episodes ago, etc). If the show’s only going to keep him around to throw him into triggering situation after triggering situation (hallucinating freezers, being supernaturally trapped in a closet when he has a fear of small spaces, etc), I’m going to be dunzo so freaking fast.

Anyway, after last episode’s cliffhanger, Allison and Hot Dad Chris Argent are finally able to smash Allison’s door down and get to a whimpering Isaac, who’s curled up into a ball on the floor. Papa Argent hits Isaac a few times to get him to Turn and snap out of his trance, whereupon Isaac tearfully tells them he was surrounded by five demonic creatures wearing masks, whose eyes shone like fireflies. When Isaac describes the creatures as having come out of the shadows, Papa Argent gets a strange look on his face before asking the teens to keep quite about this for the day while he does his own investigation – because he suspects the creatures had been coming after him, not Isaac.

Well, why the hell didn’t they knock on the right door then?!

2. Agent Asshole interrogates The Pack + Kira

Scott’s bio-dad tries to get to the bottom of what happened at the power station to cause such a power outage. Scott, Stiles, Lydia, and Kira are hilariously unhelpful, much to his frustration (and Papa Stilinski’s glee). Since it’s not like Agent McCall has anything to hold them on, he’s forced to let the lot go – but not before issuing Scott a warning about whoever it is that might have been controlling Barrows.

Later, back home safe and sound, Kira solemnly lights a candle and tries to take a selfie of herself in the mirror, but her face in the picture is shrouded in glowing flames. Ooh, and the mystery of the new girl continues…

3. Power outage or not, school’s still in session

Stiles opens his locker to find a random ring of keys shoved in there, and like any intelligent character in a show where weird shit happens on the daily, pockets them. Scott, meanwhile, tries to talk to Kira about what happened last night, but she pretty much runs away as fast as possible. Ouch.

In the locker rooms, Danny airs out his frustrations to Ethan over having to cancel his party because of the power outage. As Ethan watches Danny leave, his twin brother Aiden swans up and starts making fun of Ethan for being so thirsty for the D that he’ll stoop to helping plan and execute a Halloween party. Ethan then calls Aiden out for being a giant douche. Ha!

Aiden somehow translates “be less of a sociopath” into “cozy up to Lydia during biology class” (a class which Lydia’s mom is now teaching because the old bio teacher unfortunately died of Becoming Human Sacrifice). Lydia isn’t having any of that, though. After saving Kira’s life, she realized that by helping to kill Boyd, Aiden was not only a bad boy, but a bad guy – and she doesn’t want to be with the bad guys. This would be awesome if I didn’t have sinking suspicions that Lydia/Aiden is going to continue to be a thing.

4. Scott/Kira OTP (also plot escalation)

Scott tracks Kira down during lunchtime, where she eventually opens up about what happened the previous night. She shows him what happens when a picture is taken of her with flash – the flames surrounding her body – and explains that this had never happened to her before until a few months ago. Besides Scott, the only person to ever see those flames was Barrows, and he had taken a picture of it with her own phone. A phone that is now in the hands of the police. Scott tells Kira that they really need to get that phone back.

With the help of Stiles and some cloned keys, Kira and Scott are able to sneak into the police station to get Kira’s phone from the evidence locker. Because the plan is to delete the photo instead of steal the phone itself, when the two of them find that the phone is out of battery they have to track down a charger cable… which leads to an interesting moment where Scott finds a baby picture of himself as the desktop background for his dad’s computer. Aww.

Agent McCall shows up just as Scott and Kira are waiting for the phone to turn on, forcing Stiles to run in after and try to stall him in classic Stiles fashion (that is, as awkwardly as possible.) The awkwardness fades when McCall makes a crack about Papa Stilinski’s abilities as an officer – and the claws come out, as Stiles bitterly tells McCall that he knows the “real reason” McCall doesn’t like his dad: Stilinski knows something McCall doesn’t want him to know. Interesting! Tell me more, Stiles.

Stiles doesn’t, of course, but thankfully the distraction was just enough to let Kira and Scott escape.

5. Derek is so bad with children

Decked out in a blue t-shirt and trademark scowl, Derek leaves his loft and shows up again late at night, where he is promptly ambushed by some children screeching “Trick or treat!” He angrily tosses candy into their buckets, then wolfs out and roars at them like a complete and total jerk, which endears him to me so much. This is the most I’ve ever liked Derek.

The fun doesn’t last, of course. Derek hears a faint roaring sound himself, and is quickly surrounded by the five smoke-shrouded figures with the glowing eyes.

6. It’s Party Time, pt. 1

Despite the power outage caused by Kira last episode, and the resulting curfew being enforced, the rambunctious youth of Beacon Hills attends a Halloween blacklight party – as small town teenagers with apparently unlimited access to funds and resources are wont to do. Danny, Ethan, and Aiden move the venue to Derek’s loft (and he is going to be so pissed when he finds out.)

Scott, Stiles, Kira, Lydia, Allison and Isaac all arrive to the party in their own ways, and just as the party reaches full swing, the masked demon things arrive to fuck shit up. Ethan heads down to the bathroom to get ice (alone! Horror movie rules, does he not know them?!) and gets trapped there by the creatures.

Scott and Kira, sharing another one of their moments, hold hands so as to not be separated – but when Allison sees them together from across the room, the conversation Allison and Scott have using only eye contact is enough for Kira to let go of Scott’s hand and get lost in the crowd. Scott uses his alpha eyesight to track her down and is surprised to find that it helps him to see the glow around Kira more clearly – and that it’s in the shape of a fox.

7. It’s Party Time, pt. 2

The rest of the characters pair off as well: Allison moves back to Isaac’s side and tells him to wait a few more hours before telling Scott about the masked creatures, have a weird conversation about the weird “connection” between them, then run off to paint each other’s bodies and dance under the black lights. Stiles scurries after a girl who kissed his cheek when he first entered the party, only to find that she’s Caitlin, whose girlfriend died while they were camping early in season 3A. Lydia and Aiden also share a scene, as Aiden tries to patch things up with her. Lydia, again, rebuffs him. You go, girl.

As the party continues, Lydia starts to hear the sounds of the creatures in the shadows. In trying to track Scott down, she ends up on the loft’s balcony – again, alone, horror movie rules you guys ugh – and the creatures creepily grow from out of the darkness around her. Lydia opens her mouth to scream, but shockingly enough, the monsters are able to silence her scream with only a hand wave.

8. It’s Party Time, pt. 3 (party/club scenes in Teen Wolf go on for FOREVER, it’s fantastic)

Caitlin pulls Stiles away for some Alone Time, but not before noticing that the key Stiles randomly found in his locker like forty episode-minutes ago has phosphorus on it. When Stiles wonders how phosphorus got on the key, Caitlyn asks, “have you been handling chemicals?” Upon hearing the word “chemicals,” Stiles seems to figure something out, and runs off like a bat from hell.

Elsewhere, Scott and Kira are hanging out alone on the roof (where Kira “moms” Scott by rubbing paint off his cheek in a move suspiciously similar to Allison “soccer mom-ing” Scott in season 1, and are you seriously recycling romantic moments again Teen Wolf, because I see you). Allison and Isaac are having their own romantic moment on the dance floor when Allison notices a mark behind Isaac’s ear, one that looks a lot like the number five. Upon stumbling into the bathroom to inspect the mark, they find Ethan lying wide-eyed and near lifeless behind the ice buckets. Isaac breaks Ethan’s arm to help trigger his healing powers.

Danny and Aiden also find Lydia passed out and freezing on the balcony and bring her inside. As Aiden tries to warm her back up, Lydia shakily tells him about the creatures who came out of the dark… and Aiden finds the number five marked behind her ear, in the same spot as Isaac’s. Quick flashes in the episode inform us that Ethan and Derek also have the marks, which follows the theory that anyone who is touched by the creatures become “marked” for something rather sinister. Like DEATH.

9. Derek’s home, party’s over (but the battle’s just begun)

Derek is alive! And he’s still as grumpy as ever, having returned home to find a bunch of unruly teenagers all up in his minimalistic loft home. He kicks everyone out, save for the five masked creatures, Aiden, Scott, Kira, Allison, Isaac, and Ethan. The creatures, for some reason, turn in tandem to menacingly face and approach Aiden, who starts freaking out (as would anyone). Fight scene ensues!

However, nobody seems to be a match for these guys. Derek snaps one creature’s neck, but it recovers in record time, seemingly unfazed by the injury. Another creature pulls out a sword from within its body and starts waving it around! With the rest of the Pack pretty much subdued, the creatures continue towards Aiden and mark him like they did with the others, then turn to face Kira and a snarling Scott.

Luckily, that’s exactly when the sun rises, and the creatures fade away.

10. HOT DAD ARGENT IS INJURED. Also the plot twist to end all plot twists

Nooo, this is the exact opposite of what I wanted! Papa Argent stumbles through the door of his house and passes out bloody on the floor as Allison tries to call him on his cell. We also finally find out where it was Stiles ran off to during the party, as a voiceover flashback reminds us that Barrows had been hiding out in the chemistry closet during school hours; he returned to the room where he and Lydia had discovered the coded message.

Where he discovered that the message “someone” had left for Barrows, the message that told Barrows to target Kira, was in Stiles’ own handwriting. Holy. Shit.

Rating: A-

*minus that fuckery with Isaac, I mean honestly, why

Memorable Quotes

Coach: CLASS STARTS IN FIVE MINUTES. JUST BECAUSE THERE’S NO POWER, DON’T EXPECT THERE TO BE NO SCHOOL.

Ethan: You don’t get it, do you? Scott doesn’t care about power, he cares about people. You wanna be a wolf in his pack? Try being a human in high school.

Mama Martin: Sweetheart, since this is my first class and I haven’t taught in five years, I just want to remind you of one thing. Try not to embarrass me.
Lydia: You should have thought about that before wearing those shoes.

Scott: Did you steal these?
Stiles: No, I cloned them using an RFID emulator.
Scott: …Isn’t that worse than stealing?
Stiles: Smarter.

Kira: That was awesome! I mean, terrifying, completely terrifying, but kind of awesome. God, I’ve never done anything like that before, have you?
Stiles: [trading looks with Scott] Um, yeah, once or twice.

Isaac: Derek can never know about this.

Allison: I’m frustrated.
Isaac: Sexually?