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The Real Housewives of Miami 3×11 “The Black Sheep” Recap

As we journey back to Miami this week, Lea is packing for her trip to Texas.

We learn that she’s from Waco (uh-oh) and that growing up, she always knew the world was a big place so why limit herself to a small town in Texas? The thanks of a grateful nation, Lea, for leaving Waco so you could entertain us on The Real Housewives.

Also packing for a trip to Texas is Lisa, who is happy with the timing as things are tense between her and Lenny. We watch her pack as she carries on a dialogue with her Pomeranian about what kind of hat she should bring. What, you’re only bringing one?

Romain and Joanna, now in a good place, make calls via Skype to Romain’s family to announce their wedding date. First up is Romain’s mother, who tells them she has a back operation scheduled for that day. Romain’s father, in the next call, informs them he’d rather fly out after they get married so he can spend quality time with them. Last up is Romain’s brother, who says he’ll have to check his “agenda.” And Romain is baffled, but not that upset. Joanna insists he’s putting on a strong front. Yeah, lady, I would be too if I was being filmed.

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Now that she and Frederic are married, Adriana feels like the puzzle is complete, and now they can be a family together along with her son Alex. Let’s not even get into that whole “they were already married” thing because that horse is so dead it’s not even funny. Alex and his friend are getting ready for a formal dance, and Adriana plays the requisite role of the mother weeping at how fast time has gone. As Frederic drives Alex and his friend away, off to their first dance, Adriana clutches a framed picture of Alex at one-years-old. You really can’t write this kind of stuff.

After a long flight, and an even longer wait at the baggage claim thanks to Lisa (everyone’s always waiting on that girl), the group finally arrives at a hotel where Lea’s family has been having drinks at the bar. Everyone gets to bed early, though. The next day, Lea brings Lisa to her cousin’s home for a barbecue, and Lisa’s all, “Lea’s family is so normal, oh my god.” She keeps throwing around the word normal, which might not be the smartest idea.

Things take a serious turn when Lisa asks who this “Kim” is she keeps hearing about – and we learn that Lea had a sister who died in a freak car accident. In true Lisa fashion, she decides this is the reason why Lea is so closed up and she needs to process this. Way to be true to yourself, lady.

We get two serious segments this week, as Alexia hosts a family-only 10th wedding anniversary dinner at her mansion. As everyone sits down to dinner, Alexia decides it’s proper time for a toast. Only her toast is a long-winded account about allllllllll the hardships she’s had to endure, and Frankie, her younger son, keeps interrupting her. Alexia doesn’t let that stop her though – seriously, he interrupts her like three times – and gives a long-winded soliloquy. Then her husband Herman gives a pretty succinct toast, three, four sentences tops about how blessed he is to sit down to dinner with his family. And I’m blessed there’s a fast-forward button on my remote.

Marysol shows up after dinner with cake, but she’s not doing well. She sits down on the couch with Alexia and begins crying. Her mother isn’t doing well – Marysol feels like she’s giving up, and if her mother dies, she doesn’t know what she would do with herself. Alexia tells Marysol she’ll visit her mother, with Frankie in tow, to make sure she understands the value of not giving up. Tears all around, and I’m pressing the fast-forward button once again.

Back in Texas, Lea takes Lisa to a bar to meet her girlfriends. And sadly, Lea is happy and outgoing here with her pals, as compared to when she was with her family and closed off. We learn that back in the 80’s Lea had a make-up and skin care line she started in Texas, and the girls helped her run it. Lisa’s sooo impressed with the life Lea’s led, and even says she aspires to be like her. Oy. Then the ladies start dancing, and riding the mechanical bull. When Lisa gets on, she says it’ll be just like riding Lenny. However, she’s nearly thrown off the horse. Maybe this is the source of all their tension!

The next morning, it’s a quick breakfast before the Miami gang makes tracks. Lea’s mother says goodbye, and wishes they’ll come visit soon. As soon as Lea gets in the car, she’s like, “God, I can’t wait to get out of here.” My sentiments exactly.

Written by: Josh Feldman