in Television

The Most Skippable New Shows of Fall 2013

betrayal-1

The fall television season is upon us, and that means we humble kings and queens of the couch must endure a seemingly endless parade of new faces, new problems, and new laugh tracks.

While some gems may yet rise triumphant out of the muck, several catastrophic failures have already burned a stinky trail of ill will across our TV screens and into our souls. Yes, our souls are at risk here. It’s bad, guys. (Breaking Bad, please come back.)

Here, we mourn the 4 biggest critical failures of the new season. They may be gone forever from our DVRs, but thanks to the varying tastes of the TV-viewing public, they might just (unfortunately) make it to Season 2.

1. Dads (FOX)

In a Nutshell: Seth Green and Giovanni Ribisi star as (unconvincing) video game developers forced to take in their awkwardly inappropriate fathers. Brenda Song is also on hand to represent — and mock? — Asian stereotypes.

Biggest Issues: Racist humor, off-off-color humor, lack of any real humor

Best Critic Snippet: “Dads appears to be something like a non-animated Family Guy — except that Family Guy is actually funny. Mostly it’s just Fox’s lone attempt to kill you with a laugh track, by beating you over the head repeatedly.” – The Hollywood Reporter

Metacritic Score: 15/100

2. The Millers (CBS)

In a Nutshell: Supremely likeable stars do supremely unlikeable things in this sitcom about divorce. Farts are discussed a lot.

Biggest Issues: Fart jokes, the waste of good talent

Best Critic Snippet: “This show has the woeful distinction of being the biggest turd in the crap basket.” – IGN

Metacritic Score: 44/100

3. Betrayal (ABC)

In a Nutshell: Pretty people involved in a murder trial cheat on their significant others. It’s super dramatic — you know, because of the murder. And the adultery.

Biggest Issues: Boring, not soapy enough (a huge no-no for soaps like this)

Best Critic Snippet: “Lack of chemistry threatens to form antimatter every time [the two main characters] look at each other.” – Los Angeles Times

Metacritic Score: 38/100

4. Sean Saves the World (NBC)

In a Nutshell: Sean Hayes tries to carry a sitcom. He does his best. (It’s not good enough. Sorry, Sean.)

Biggest Issues: Ho-hum premise, not funny

Best Critic Snippet: “Like Will & Grace at its worst, Sean Saves the World confuses tasteless and vulgar with funny.” – The Salt Lake Tribune

Metacritic Score: 43/100

(Written by Hayley Igarashi)