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‘American Horror Story: Coven’ Episode 3 Recap – “The Replacements”

We get our first flashback of the episode when Fiona wakes up in the middle of the night to fetch herself a glass of water to take with her medication.

New Orleans, 1971: A young Fiona meets with Anna Leigh (Christine Ebersole), the Supreme. Fiona thinks she’s ready to take over as the next Supreme witch, but Anna Leigh thinks she’s still too young and inexperienced. Fiona points out that Anna Leigh is getting weaker – as she’s currently suffering from diabetes, heart troubles, liver failture, etc. – as Fiona gets more and more powerful.

Enranged, Anna Leigh calls Fiona selfish and vows to make sure that Fiona never becomes the Supreme. As she storms away, Fiona slits her throat. Spalding (Denis O’Hare), the butler, stands in the doorway.

Present: Fiona sees Spalding standing in the doorway. She asks, “What’s the matter? Cat got your tongue?”

The next day, she goes to a plastic surgeon’s office where she requests to watch a video of the surgery being performed. She begins to cry.

Meanwhile, Zoe visits Kyle’s druggie mother, Mrs. Spencer (Mare Winningham), who’s getting high on her dead son’s stash of marijuana. She talks about how her son was a SAT tutor and a natural gentleman. He even stepped up and became the man of the house after Kyle’s dad left. Mrs. Spencer also reveals that she nearly committed suicide until she received Zoe’s call.

Zoe assures Mrs. Spencer that Kyle is still with them, but Mrs. Spencer takes that to mean in the spiritual sense. Unbeknownst to her, Kyle is now a version of Frankenstein monster.

Back at Miss Robichaux’s Academy, Queenie, Nan, and Madison are watching the new neighbors move in next door. In particular, they’re checking out the sexy young stud who’s taken off his shirt in the process of moving boxes. His mother, an uptight Christian fundamentalist, comes out and reprimands him for not wearing his shirt. The pair then notice the three girls watching from next door.

Indoors, LaLaurie is watching television and weeping over Barack Obama being the president of the United States. Fiona comes in and reveals that she voted for him – twice. She then shows LaLaurie her new maid outfit and tells her that she better put it on if she doesn’t want to go in the box again.

Nan, Queenie, and Madison are having lunch and talking about the hunk next door. We learn that Queenie is a virgin because she’s saving herself for someone special, while Nan is sexually experienced. When LaLaurie arrives with a tray of food, Queenie recognizes her as the woman who hit her over the head with a candlestick. LaLaurie refuses to serve Queenie since she’s black. When Fiona arrives, she tells Queenie that LaLaurie will be her “personal slave” from now on. There is nothing that Fiona hates more than a racist.

Meanwhile, Misty is talking to Frankenstein Kyle about Stevie Nicks when Zoe arrives. Kyle’s wounds have healed. Zoe wants to take Kyle to his mother, but Misty is resistant. When Kyle gets angry, Misty is forced to let him leave. She starts crying, thinking she’ll never see Kyle again.

Nan brings the neighbors a cake and Madison goes with her wearing a tight, revealing dress in hopes of getting laid. The sexy shirtless guy – wearing a shirt this time – answers the door and introduces himself as Luke (Alexander Dreymon). When they enter the house, Madison is annoyed that he isn’t paying attention to her and Luke comments that she must be used to always being the center of attention.

Luke’s mother, Joan (Patti LuPone), interrupts, saying that they have to go to bible study. She eyes Madison with disdain. When Madison makes fun of their religion, Joan gets angry and grabs Madison’s hand with the cake knife. Madison accidentally uses her powers, sending the knife flying into the opposite wall.

Patti LuPone as Christian fundamentalist Joan Ramsey. Photo: FX

Joan yells at them to get out. As Madison and Nan leave, Madison ends up setting the curtains on fire. Both girls are shocked by Madison’s new ability.

Meanwhile, Cordelia tells her doctor that she tried “alternative methods” to get pregnant but they didn’t take, so she’s come to visit him while her husband Hank is out of town working on a construction project. The doctor tells her that, according to her blood sample, she can never have children.

Simultaneously, Fiona learns that she can never have elective facial plastic surgery. Her immune system is in freefall.

Zoe, meanwhile, drops Frankenstein Kyle off at his mother’s house.

Back at the school, Joan pays Fiona a visit, telling her that two of her girls trespassed onto her property and threw a knife at her. Fiona mocks her until Joan mentions Madison somehow setting the curtains on fire. Madison appears in the doorway and taunts Joan about her son. “He’s so backed up all I’d have to say is ‘panties’ and he’d jizz in his jeans.”

Once Joan leaves, Fiona asks for a light and Madison uses her newfound powers to light the cigarette.

Over at Mrs. Spencer’s house, Kyle is in bed when his mother comes to lie down next to him. She comments on his body looking different and then starts kissing and fondling him. Eventually, her hands travel downward…

Yikes. There is way too much sexual violence on this show…

Cordelia goes to Marie Laveau’s hair salon for a consultation regarding her fertility problems. At first, Laveau bluffs that she’ll do the spell on her in exchange for $50,000. But then she reveals that she would never perform the spell on the daughter of her sworn enemy. She tells Cordelia about Fiona coming to see her. “She messed with the wrong witch,” Laveau says, as Cordelia’s eyes well up with tears.

Mrs. Spencer calls Zoe about Kyle. When Zoe shows up, Kyle has bludgeoned his mother to death after she tried forcing herself on him again. Zoe screams when she sees Kyle approach, covered in blood.

Elsewhere, Madison and Fiona have lunch. They talk about Madison’s past and how her mother forced her into acting when she was just a kid. Fiona offers to teach Madison how to use her powers and, as a practice exercise, Madison compels a man to step into the middle of the street. Fiona isn’t nearly as excited as Madison.

At the school, Queenie is forcing LaLaurie to make her food when suddenly The Minotaur appears. Queenie is angry when LaLaurie reveals her true identity, but she decides to protect LaLaurie from The Minotaur anyway. So Queenie cuts LaLaurie’s hand and wipes the blood with a piece of cloth. Using the cloth, Queenie manages to lure The Minotaur away… And that’s when things get weird. By weird, I’m talking bestiality. I mean… I think. It’s not 100% clear if they go all the way or not…

Anyways, the scene finally ends when suddenly The Minotaur covers Queenie’s mouth with its hand.

After a night out of drinking, dancing, and playing pool, Fiona and Madison arrive home. After a spiel about the various portraits of Supreme witches hanging in the living room, Fiona finally tells Madison about being next in line to become the Supreme. Madison is pleased until Fiona reveals that she’s dying. She has cancer, and the reason for her ailing health is Madison. Whoever is next in line to be the Supreme sucks the live force from the former Supreme.

Fiona shows her the knife she used to kill the old Supreme and demands that Madison kill her, just like Fiona did with Anna Leigh. When Madison refuses, the two get into a struggle which ends with Fiona slitting Madison’s throat. Madison’s body falls on top of the rug and Spalding appears in the doorway once again. Fiona tells him to dispose of the body. “This coven doesn’t need a new Supreme. It needs a new rug.”

Rating: B-

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