in Television

The 13 Best Saul Goodman Quotes from “Breaking Bad”

Whether you’re in the meth business or the empire business, it’s good to have a hands-on lawyer on retainer. Saul Goodman may not be the most upright citizen in town, but he’s certainly the man we’d call in a pickle.

Walter White knows this, and so do the executives over at AMC — they’ve just confirmed plans to move forward with a Breaking Bad spin-off featuring our favorite lovable/sleazy lawyer.

In honor of this, let’s celebrate the man with the plan — and the creative euphemisms (Belize, anyone?) — with a look back at Goodman’s best quotes.

Problem Solving

  • If you’re committed enough, you can make any story work. I once told a woman I was Kevin Costner, and it worked because I believed it.
  • As to your dead guy, occupational hazard. Drug dealer getting shot? I’m gonna go out on a limb here and say it’s been known to happen.
  • Ten! Twenty! Thirty bucks a pop, all paid in full, nice and neat, untraceable from the good-hearted people of the world to Mr. Walter H. White, Cancer Saint. I’m getting a warm and fuzzy feeling just thinking about it.
  • Have you given any thought to sending him on a trip to Belize? Where Mike went to…

Tough Love

  • You do seem to have a little “shit creek” action going. You know, FYI, you can buy a paddle.
  • Congratulations, you’ve just left your family a second-hand Subaru.
  • Look, let’s start with some tough love, all right? Ready for this? Here goes. You two suck at peddling meth. Period.

Panicking Slightly

  • Did you not plan for this contingency? I mean the Starship Enterprise had a self-destruct button. I’m just saying.

Off the Cuff

  • If I ever get anal polyps, I’ll know what to name them.
  • Faith and begorrah! A fellow potato eater! My real name’s McGill. The Jew thing I just do for the homeboys. They all want a pipe-hitting member of the tribe, so to speak.

Concerning Skyler

  • Walter never told me how lucky he was. Clearly his taste in women is the same as his taste in lawyers: only the very best… with just a right amount of dirty!

Getting Down to Business

  • I’m gonna get you a second phone call, okay? You’re gonna call your mommy or your daddy or your parish priest or your boy scout leader, and they’re gonna deliver me a check for $4,650.00. I’m gonna write that down on the back of my business card. Four. Six. Five. Zero. Okay? And I need that in a cashier’s check or a money order — doesn’t matter. Actually, ah, I want it in a money order and, ah, make it out to “Ice Station Zebra Associates.” That’s my loan out. It’s totally legit… It’s done just for tax purposes. After that we can discuss Visa or Mastercard, but definitely not American Express, so don’t even ask, alright? Any questions?
  • Better call Saul!