Warning: This post contains spoilers from the newest episode of Teen Wolf.
It’s time for another episode of Teen Wolf! Let’s take a look at the top ten moments of “Visionary”!
1. Meet Cute? More Like Meet Awful
Since Derek is AWOL, it’s up to Peter to tell the story of how he ended up being Mr. Grumpy (for some reason) to Stiles, who is inexplicably waiting around for Derek. Naturally, it all revolves around a girl named Paige, who young high school-aged Derek pestered.
She was a music geek trying to practice her cello and his basketball playing in the hallways kept throwing off her rhythm. When she confronted him, he publicly embarrassed her, but he made up for it by being charming when all his friends had left (this one’s a keeper, Paige).
2. Grandpa Argent Oozes
Seriously, what is up with the black ooze he keeps oozing? In exchange for Alpha Pack info on Deucalion, Scott agrees to give the elder Argent a hit of his super duper werewolf healing mojo. Allison gets annoyed when the geriatric ooze machine doesn’t cough up the goods. All he can really say is, “Deucalion is blind,” but in that TV, Sixth Sense-ish he-can-see-dead-people sort of way. I might be paraphrasing.
3. Alpha Super Team Up
Derek and Paige typically hang out at an abandoned wine distillery (really?) and hoof it when the pre-Alpha Pack alphas show up. For some reason, they decide to have their Alphas Anonymous meeting there, and discuss an incident between (currently dead from a crushed skull) Ennis and the hunters.
One of his betas killed a hunter (and then the hunters killed said beta), and now the hunters have marked them all for death, since hunters don’t differentiate packs. Ennis doesn’t listen to the ironically reasonable Deucalion and goes on a rampage, which Papa Stilinski talks him down from.
4. Mama Hale is Mother Wolf (or Some Such Bullshit)
During the Alpha meeting, there are whispers of a werewolf whose shapeshifting abilities are so super awesome. During her introduction, we got a slow-mo of a big black wolf plodding up to the distillery. As she turns into a human, we learn it’s Talia Hale, who was apparently a huge mother-healer-common-sense-person cliche when she was alive.
5. Creepy High School Romance (AKA Cora is Seventeen, WTF)
Peter continues his story and we learn how old Cora is (she’s 17).
Derek gets creepy and intense with Paige after they exchange “I Love You’s.” Twenty-something Peter shows up at the school campus (pedo alert) and advises Derek that the only way for their love to remain “intact” or something is for Derek to turn her. Cue Paige looking dreamily over at Derek as ominous music plays.
6. Infooooooo Duuuuuuuump
Okay, so we get a lot of new mythology in this episode. Turns out, the old Greek myth about Lycus is true. Zeus punished the followers of Prometheus by turning them into wolves. The Druids taught them how to shift back into human form. So, Deaton and Ms. Morrell are actually emissaries to the werewolves – Deaton for Derek’s mom (and now Scott) and Ms. Morrell for the Alphas.
7. Paige Gets Bitten
After Peter successfully manipulates Derek into agreeing to turn Paige, Derek sends Paige a note to meet him at the school at the middle of the night. Naturally, she’s attacked by a still fuming Ennis, who’s trying to get in good with Derek’s mom. Derek changes his mind about turning her at the last minute and tries to save her, but he doesn’t stop the attack in time. Paige is turned. Also, Peter hides behind some lockers the whole time and acts like a little bitch.
8. Grandpa Argent is an Asshole (Surprise, Surprise)
So, when Deucalion tries to meet up with Grandpa Argent in order to find peace between the warring sides, his vote of confidence in the ancient asshole doesn’t pan out. Instead, his pack is attacked and Grandpa Argent follows him outside crawling on his hands and knees, stands over the already beaten alpha, and stabs him in the eyes with silver arrows. This turns his eye sockets into firecrackers and causes overly dramatic opera music to play.
9. The Overly Dramatic Opera Music Continues Playing
Peter explains to Stiles that not everyone turns when they’re bitten by a wolf. Most of the time, it works but for some reason it didn’t work with Paige, and she’s slowly dying in Derek’s arms.
After using his wolf powers to try and heal her multiple times, he ends up mercy-killing her. This act of killing is what turns Derek’s eyes blue. His mom thinks they’re pretty, though.
10. Deucalion Sees As a Wolf
When Uber Alpha’s eyes have healed, Deaton takes a look. While, physically, they are no longer damaged, Deucalion is now blind. He asks to be alone and one of his betas attacks (trying to take advantage because he’s weak now, I think?) and he kills the little guy. Grandpa Argent explains that Deucalion is blind, but his wolf sight (aka red filter) comes through when the going gets tough.
Well, that episode happened. I have gone on record about my increasing ambivalence to the Alpha Pack storyline, and this episode didn’t really do much for my disinterest toward it. In fact, the whole flashback idea in general was kind of terrible. Most of it was pointless, except for the last two scenes of each half. While it would have been bearable if the filler had been good, it most definitely wasn’t.
Casting actors who actually looked (are?) teenagers in the roles of Derek and Paige just made me feel creepy when they were sexy touching instead of making me care about what they were saying and doing. And as for the alpha stuff, well, it was just more boring, boring, boring. Really, a regular episode with those final two scenes would have been enough (or a regular episode with one minute of exposition).
The one good takeaway from this episode was the new layer of mythology, although it was very clunky in its delivery. Oh, and the unreliable narration was a nice touch, but it ended up being pointed out at the end, and was used for dramatic effect. But, since the audience saw what actually happened, and not what Stiles, Cora, Allison, and Scott were told, it kind of took away the oomph.
Really, I think this episode can be summed up by the fact that the frog/scorpion fable was told twice – for humorous effect that just didn’t land.