Because sometimes a break up will fill you with rage instead of tears
I take a special kind of joy out of break up songs that avoid the “You broke my heart how will I ever survive” narrative in favor of the “I fucking hate you and also you sucked in bed” route. (There’s nothing wrong with the former, of course, it’s just that I enjoy being bitter and hostile a lot more than I enjoy curling up in a ball in the corner crying my eyes out.)
That said, here’s a list of my top 10 songs to drunkenly shout-sing to when I get my heart broken:
1. Fuck It (I Don’t Want You Back) – Eamon
Fuck what I said, it don’t mean shit now
Fuck the presents, might as well throw them out
Fuck all those kisses, it didn’t mean jack
Fuck you, you ho, I don’t want you back
Okay, so it’s a little aggressive, but that’s the whole point of this list right? Aggressive, highly pissed off music that you can play in the background as you’re tossing all your ex’s shit out of your third story apartment window.
2. Remember 2 Forget – Murs
Last night I sat down to cry over you
Then I stopped and asked myself why – over you?
I snapped out of it and got on with my day cause
My life’s been a lot better since the break up
“Remember 2 Forget” has a little more of a melancholy sound to it than the rest of my choices, but I think the lyrics more than qualify. It’s the kind of song you can relate to once you’re over that ‘sad’ phase and edging into ‘I think I’m okay now, I know I’m better off’. It’s also an impeccably constructed piece of music with an amazing music video, and you should watch it immediately. Like, right now.
3. Irreplaceable – Beyonce
So since I’m not your everything
How about I’ll be nothing, nothing at all to you
Baby I won’t shed a tear for you, I won’t lose a wink of sleep
‘Cause the truth of the matter is replacing you is so easy
I find this one highly invigorating. Not only are you telling that freeloading, cheating jackass to get out of your place, you’re also letting him know exactly how awesome you are, ’cause you can find another him in a minute – matter fact he’ll be here in a minute, bay-bay.
4. Cry Me A River – Justin Timberlake
You told me you loved me, why did you leave me, all alone
Now you tell me you need me
When you call me, on the phone
Girl I refuse, you must have me confused with some other guy
Your bridges were burned, and now it’s your turn
To cry, cry me a river
It’s the much longer and slightly more eloquent version of “Talk to the hand, cause the face don’t give two shits.” Here, JT tells his apologetic ex that he is never, ever, ever getting back together with her. Like, ever. As a certain friend of mine said a few hours ago, you gotta be one angry dude to tell someone to cry a river of tears.
5. Puke – Eminem
But please don’t get me wrong, I’m not bitter or mad
It’s not that I still love you, it’s not ’cause I want you back
It’s just that when I think of you, it makes me wanna yack
Another extremely (yet gloriously) hostile track, this time from Eminem, King of Angry Raps About Ex-Wife Kim. So yes, “Puke” is very specific in pinpointing its subject, but it’s otherwise a pretty universal kind of break up song… albeit a very pissed off and violent one. Which makes it so much more fun to sing to.
6. Fuck You – Cee-Lo Green
Yeah I’m sorry, I can’t afford a Ferrari
But that don’t mean I can’t get you there
I guess he’s an Xbox and I’m more Atari
But the way you play your game ain’t fair
Ah, this classic is never ever going to get old. “Fuck You” about the peppiest sounding song I’ve heard considering it’s about a gold digger leaving Cee-Lo for someone with a little more cha-ching in their pockets. Speaking as someone with little to no cha-ching in my pockets, I can imagine how much of a blow that would be to one’s ego.
7. So What – P!nk
I guess I just lost my husband, I don’t know where he went
So I’m gonna drink my money, I’m not gonna pay his rent
I got a brand new attitude and I’m gonna wear it tonight
I wanna get in trouble, I wanna start a fight
Ooh, here’s another super fun, empowering song that makes me want to jump up and down while fist-pumping. There’s just something about the sound of P!nk’s voice shouting “so what?!” that makes me feel like a Rock Goddess. And we all know Rock Gods/Goddesses don’t take no shit from nobody.
8. Breakin’ Dishes – Rihanna
I’m kicking ass, I’m taking names
I’m on flame, don’t come home, babe
I’m breaking dishes up in here, all night (uh huh)
I ain’t gon stop until I see police lights (uh huh)
Man, there are a lot of cheating-related break up songs. It makes sense, since there’s nothing quite as rage inducing as the person who’s supposed to love you messing about on the side. Rihanna’s song takes a little more of a wild approach to expressing that rage – and honestly, it sounds kinda fun.
9. Used To Love U – John Legend
Baby, when I used to love U, there’s nothing that I wouldn’t do
I went through the fire for you, do anything you asked me to
But I’m tired of livin’ this lie
It’s getting harder to justify
I realized that I just don’t love you, not like I used to
Put this song on blast, hold a hairbrush up to your face like a microphone, and just belt out the lyrics to this one. Ignore the random people walking by and giving you strange looks, they know nothing of your inner turmoil. Trust me and just do it.
Now, don’t you feel so much better?
10. Hate (I Really Don’t Like You) – Plain White T’s
Hate is a strong word
But I really, really, really don’t like you
And now that it’s over
I don’t even know what I liked about you
I kind of forgot that the Plain White T’s existed once “Hey There Delilah” was dropped off radio’s constantly looped playlist, but this song is an absolute gem when it comes to angry break ups. Its message is short, sweet, and simple: bye, bitch. Bye.
What songs would you put on your “Fuq U” Post-Break Up Playlist? Comment below!